Social Rhythms

It has been a while since I posted. It has been a struggle to get the ADL's (activities of daily living) done let alone write a blog entry. The irony is that I need the blog most of all and it was the one thing that never seemed to make the cut.

This past week I have been struggling with a disturbance in my social rhythm. Sounds like something out of Star Wars. There has been research regarding bipolar disorder and the effects of a disrupted social rhythm as a trigger. I can say for myself this is very much a reality. When I was first introduced to the concept of social rhythm, it was like a lightbulb went off. I realized that when I changed a routine in my life - going to college, quitting swimteam, ending a relationship - I went out of control so to speak. I was either very productive, risky, depressed or "unlike myself".

Now a disruption in my social rhythm manifests itself in the form of excessive tiredness mixed with insomnia or irritability, decreased patience, and lack of focus. Which seems much better than the previous. However, I am raising children now. Who look to me for the "mood" of the family.

An acquaintance told me that the mother is the person that sets the "tone" of the family. Which totally makes sense to me. But SUCKS! It sucks because I am the mother and I am struggling with Bipolar disorder that doesn't always present the best "tone".

I am constantly trying to manage my bipolar. There are days when I just don't want to have to remember to take my meds, to be thoughtful about what is important or how things, events can change my stability. It is no different than managing heart disease or diabetes. However, if I told people that I couldn't or shouldn't do something because of my heart disease or diabetes, they would totally understand. Yet, if I say it is because of my bipolar disorder, they would say OH! Then they wonder if I am stable enough to have their kids over to the house. Then the behaviors that would result from normal frustrated mother issues become behaviors that prove that I am crazy or going off the deep end.

Needing to sign off and spend time with my son, I do want to end on a good note.

As much as bipolar has been a horrible experience on one hand, it has also been a very enlightened experience that has proven to bring me closer to my authentic self than ever before in my life. How is that for irony.

Breathe!