creative.mother.thinking: still a little low: "I'd like to live life in bursts and crashes. Work like crazy for a couple of weeks and then retreat to bed and do nothing for a couple of weeks. Either be the center of the party, shining, laughing, dancing, singing and telling funny stories or to stay at home and be alone. I could do that. I have done it often enough. The only catch is that it makes me neither happy nor content. So I'll have to learn the 'boring' path. The one where every day is the same as the last one. Where you work constantly without burning out."
I came upon this blog and this comment really resonated with me. When I was diagnosed with Bipolar and realized that I would have to change my life- living "in bursts and crashes" - I was terrified. I found alot of my value and sense of self in the ability to get done things that other people couldn't or wouldn't. I was able to do this by living on the hypomanic side - 4 hours sleep an night. I was afraid of the "boring" path. But I can honestly say that I am finding that the middle of the emotional road isn't as unproductive or boring as I had anticipated. Now I am not saying that I am okay with the middle of the road all the time. I definitely favor the hypomania side of the road and get a rush when I can cross off several items on my to do list. But I am also more aware of the consequences of living in this state. I become a person that I don't like. Constantly having to say "I am sorry" to my family for outbursts and little patience. I am struggling with determining what is hypomania and what is who I am. I am realizing that there are certain things about me that are just who I am. Good and bad. But what do I try to change/manage and what do I just let go as being me. Breathe!
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Yes, I too have had this struggle with what I call it "the push" and "the fall" I love the beginning stages of hypomania. Life is great. Energy is high. No need for as much sleep. I can accomplish as much as 3 other folks in the course of half the time.
And then it's like there's some strange invisible line... I cross it and begin to enter into "the fall." Can't concentrate any longer. Can't sleep but also don't want to or nearly cannot get out of bed. Short fuse with family and spouse. It all comes crashing down.
Have tried local support group meetings, but find that most who attend are severe Bipolar I and schizophrenics. Although I was able to see the benefit for them, I felt alone in my own struggle, so it's nice to find this blog and hope to revisit and discover other Bipolar folks who struggle chronically, but who are able, like me, to be relatively functional in life.
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